I’m Not Scared

Although this post has been generously sponsored by “pHemme®”, the opinions and language are my own, and in no way do they reflect “pHemme®”.

When I was younger, I used to be a very anxious person. Simple tasks such as ordering food at a restaurant or going to get my hair done would put a knot in my stomach. Worrying about stumbling over my words or saying something stupid caused me to speak as little as possible in order to avoid embarrassing myself.

My anxiety grew significantly worse towards the end of my teenage years and caused me to retreat into my shell. I spent a lot of time in my room by myself instead of out on the town with my friends. I was missing out on so many great experiences, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed.

I wasn’t living the life I had dreamed of as a child. I was supposed to be hanging out with my friends and going to parties on the weekend. I was supposed to be working a part-time job and planning a trip to Europe after graduation. But my anxiety was stopping me from doing these things or even wanting to. I realized that I needed help if I was ever going to truly live my life.

Photo credit: Anna Borges / BuzzFeed

I decided to make an appointment with my doctor. We talked about what I was going through and he suggested that I try medication. Initially, I had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I felt hopeful that the medication would help me. On the other hand, I worried that people would think I was “taking the easy way out.”

Now, years later, I can confidently say that choosing to treat my anxiety with medication was the best decision I have ever made. I struggled for so long before I decided to help myself and I feel no shame in how I chose to do so. I learned to treat my medication as a catalyst for my recovery. I realized that pills were not a quick fix and that I would need to put in serious effort to get better. My medication gave me the push I needed to do just that.

Photo credit: Anna Borges / BuzzFeed

After several months, I finally felt like I was ready to do something I had dreamed of doing since I was a child – travel to Europe. This was a huge deal to me. For someone who had struggled with the most basic of social interactions to be travelling so far from home was unreal. With a severely overstuffed suitcase and my best friend by my side, I embarked on the trip that would change my life.

It was this trip that showed me just how much progress I had made over the previous months. I was in a foreign land without my family, talking to new people every day, being independent, and loving every minute of it. I proved to myself that I was capable of doing anything I wanted to do.

During the final week of my trip, I decided that I needed a permanent reminder of my life-changing experience, so I got a small tattoo on my arm that reads, “I’m not scared.” Every time I see it, I think back to my trip and I’m reminded to never let fear stop me from reaching my goals.

Photo credit: Anna Borges / BuzzFeed

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4 thoughts on “I’m Not Scared

  1. English Lass in LA

    What an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing this! I am sure you will inspire many other girls out there feeling a similar way. I’m so glad you decided to brave the Doctors visit and speak to someone 🙂 xxx

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